Being Psychic and Female Sexuality

I’ve been studying being psychic the last few weeks. How to become psychic, what kinds of psychic I want to be, what to do about becoming the kind of psychic I want to be.

It kind of dovetails with the whole female sexuality subject I’ve also been studying. How, I’m not really sure, but I know there’s a connection here for me.

Women’s intuition, you could say.

I think I am studying these things because I ignored and repressed both in my marriage. Psychic powers are considered bad in church, generally speaking. So is female sexuality, really. And both are very powerful, and very important to me. I’d like to learn about palmistry and oneiromancy (the study and interpretation of dreams), telepathy and empathy, clairvoyance, etc. I believe in ESP, in that we seem to know when something truly terrible is going to happen, déjà vu, and sometimes we know our siblings or friends are upset from hundreds of miles away.

And female sexuality, well…I realized I had been experiencing male sexuality more than female sexuality, which is much different. It was results-oriented and generally businesslike. A “let’s get to the happy finish” proposition…not really any fun for me. Worse, I generally did it because someone else wanted to. By going through my personal history, I was able to find three people I was with because I was attracted to them. Three. Out of many times many.

That’s a lot of doing it when I didn’t want to.

Now, shame on me for doing it when I didn’t want to. But shame on others for thinking that pressured sex is good sex. My bf now can tell when I’m not really into it, and it was so long since I was into it that I didn’t even know what “into it” felt like. 30 years old and I didn’t even know major things about my body and my sexuality. I don’t know what I like in bed, believe it or not. But I can tell you what he’ll like, or what she’ll like. Just not me.

And I also found, writing out my timeline and my personal history, that I’ve been subject to sexual harassment, rape, etc. far more than I would have thought. And that I’ve never been more than a year without a boyfriend, or more than six months without a sex partner.

Fascinating.

So much to explore!