Feeling Better today

I changed the kitty litter. I forgot the cat food, but my wonderful boyfriend rescued me and bought some last night.

I ate dinner.

I got the children dressed and to school on time.

I bought myself gobs of earings, and it was hard to do.

I talked to my son about using a respectful tone, without raising my voice, guilting him, or anything else. I just noted to him that his tone was very demanding of me, and that I don't require that he tell me what to do; I'm very willing to help him out with whatever he needs. He apologized.

I talked to my other son about being nice, when his teacher corrected him gently for asking mean questions to a hypothetical new student for an assignment. I talked to him about the types of questions, and he showed me the nicer questions that he wrote after his teacher talked to him.

I like it when the teachers and I are on the same page.

I feel better today;

I did some work on an assignment that's been lingering over me for months now. I confronted it and I did 2/13 of the work, and I made it easier to answer the remaining questions by uploading their Substance of Concern list into my database.

I feel better today; I've requested my books, ordered my self-defense DVD.

I feel better today; I've talked myself into going to the gym this evening, because I don't need to spend hours there, just 15-25 minutes, and the kids can play in the kid room, even if the gym is busy.

I'm telling myself today that no one has the right to boss me, or push me around. I am telling myself today that I am going to be stronger, and not let people boss me around. That I am going to work toward being someone whom people don't even try to boss around, and the person who just smiles inwardly at people attempting to boss her around, because she knows, she absolutely knows, that they have no say.

I think healing isn't about being uber-watchful and suspicious, defensive and angry, and handing my power out to everyone and everything but me. I think healing is knowing that no one can make me do something. I may choose between the lesser of evils, but the choice is always mine.

I think healing is finding that quiet place inside, the one that lets other people have their opinions and doesn't get so worked up. I think healing is knowing that if so and so doesn't settle down, that I can take them down if I had to, I simply won't have to.

And already, that little voice in my head (who sounds suspiciously like my soon-to-be-ex) hisses: "And how long will this Zen moment last? As soon as you feel behind in your work? As soon as you are late going somewhere? You can't sustain this!"