Just Because I Left Doesn't Mean It's Over: November 2010

He Touched Me Again

He touched me again. I don't mean physically, I just mean that, once again, he put his proverbial finger into my symbolic chest and reminded me that he still has control.

It's been six months, three weeks, and two days since I left, and yes, I am counting. But even after six months, three weeks, and two days, he's able to send my tummy into jelly. He's able to make my hands shake. He's able to get me to gobble down chocolate, and tuck my head in between my shoulders to try to hide.

Just because I left doesn't mean it's over.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Celebrating Firsts

It’s funny now, to be celebrating firsts after celebrating lasts. But perhaps that is the best thing to do.

I did leave.

I did initiate the divorce.

It was the scariest damn thing I have done so far.

I have begun therapy, not only with a life coach, but with myself on my own time.

So now I celebrate firsts: the first holiday with the kids done my way, without the endless demands to be the perfect family, instead of the perfect family we already are, with all of our foibles and flaws.

This year, Thanksgiving will be about giving thanks, and not about trying not to spill on the table cloth (at least while they are with me. They will continue their other tradition later in the day).

Today is the first day of my journey, and every day has been the first day of my journey ever since July 23.

Happy Firsts, for sure.