That's what we talked about today.
Powerlessness.
The rage, the anger, the frustration, the anxiety, the feeling overwhelmed. That shaky-core feeling you feel right before your eyes start to well up...
...that feeling that chokes you and makes your stomach and chest heave while you're watching a movie, and trying not to cry, damn it!
Powerlessness.
Where does it come from? Where is it going? What can I do with it?
Like a lot of abuse victims, I have to let go of my rage. A little at a time, I have to let out the little punky girl who says, "How DARE you...." to her abuser. I know you have one. I have one, too. She shakes her fist. She gets in your face, and she's what makes you bite your lip. You bite your lip to hold her back, because she's angry.
But I don't know what she's going to do.
She might just want to exercise, to feel like she's punching or running.
But right now she's making me shake.
Powerlessness. I'm powerless against her. I'm powerless once I let her out. I'm powerless holding her in, because she is my power. she's the Source.
If I respected women at all, she'd be the Goddess in full Retribution mode.
That's what she should be. Not an angry brat, but a vengeful goddess with lightning in her hair.
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